Love Kites

I have written before about my problem of getting too many junk e-mails -- you can read that HERE.

I get a WHOLE lot of e-mails -- or at least I used to before I got a "mail block" filter on my account. If you have ever thought about it for yourself, trust me -- getting mail block has REALLY helped, now I only get about 5 or 6 junk mails a day, and it's usually obvious why I get them (ads for music and computer supplies and that sort of thing, things I'm actually interested in, at least). I do still get the old, "Dear sir, you may be surprised to get this since we haven't met, but I work for the government of Nigeria," or whatever that old scam is... In fact I've gotten that one about 4 times this past week -- it just keeps flying around out there, doesn't it?

But a few days ago I got what HAS to be the most bizarre e-mail I have ever gotten. It listed the subject as "Chinese women" and it listed the sender as "mandy@xxxxxx" (I've put x's instead of the real address). Now, I know a girl here in HK named Mandy, we e-mail often, so I opened the message thinking it must be from her, right? So I'm reading the first few lines, and geez, I totally couldn't make sense of it, it didn't sound ANYTHING like what Mandy normally writes...

It's pretty funny when I think about it now, but it took me almost a MINUTE to realize it wasn't from the Mandy I know, but it was some kind of ad for a Chinese dating service! My e-mail can't show graphics, it's TEXT ONLY, so it's possible that made it more difficult for me to figure it out. But the message was OBVIOUSLY written by someone who can BARELY speak English, it is full of bad spelling and grammar (which is what was also throwing me off, because Mandy is very good at English) -- but more than any of that, it just didn't make much sense when I was first trying to read it.

This is how the e-mail/advertisement started out, and the best I could tell, this was supposed to be the thoughts of the imaginary girl they wanted me to call up and go out with:

Okay, so I'm just saying, try to imagine me opening this e-mail, thinking it's from this girl I know, and trying to figure THAT one out. I mean, we're not exactly "close" friends, Mandy and I, but she has shared some pretty intimate details about her life and feelings before -- so I'm just sitting there going, "Uh, Mandy, what in the WORLD kind of cough medicine have YOU been taking, girl?!?"... You know? 

So whatever... I just thought that was hysterical. 

Of course, I should say, if any of you can help me to find MY kite, please let me know... 

This article was first posted: 30 March 2003

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