Introverts: UNITE!
When I went to seminary, they made us take this
whole battery of tests -- you know the kind, those personality tests where you
have to answer all sorts of tricky questions like, "If you found a bag with
$100 in it, would you prefer to spend your time with: a) people b) machines c)
information"... those kinds of tests, where you can never tell what they're
really asking, but you suspect that no matter how you answer there's the
danger they're going to use it to say, "A-ha!!! You're a
THIEF!!"
I especially liked taking the Myers-Briggs test.
Turns out I'm an I-N-F-P, which I think stands for Introverted,
Intuitive, Feeling,
Perceiver... I honestly can't remember much
of the significance of those categories, but what I definitely DO still remember
is what I learned about the first category -- being an Introvert.
You see, I scored quite highly in all those
categories, meaning that I'm pretty brilliant. (No, just kidding)... It means
that I'm very firmly in each of those categories, no doubt about it. But on the
Extrovert vs Introvert scale, I was off the chart, literally. I scored the maximum
possible on the Introvert scale. Meaning, I suppose, that I couldn't
possibly be any more Introverted...
Just so you know, seeing that result didn't
bother me, it seemed about right. But THEN they explained how to really
interpret those findings, and it just blew me away. THEY COMPLETELY NAILED ME!!
I mean, in almost every thing they said about an INFP, they were describing Mr.
Glenn Watts (me).
ANYWAY, here's an article from the internet -- I
think someone might have tipped me to it, I can't remember how I found it. But it's from the Atlantic
Monthly, and I'm quoting it here with no permission whatsoever -- but
please, forgive me, I'm just trying to "share the love"... All
the italics and different colors for emphasis come from ME...
As an off-the-chart introvert (an Authority,
in other words), let me assure you this article is DEAD ON. If you know any
introverts in your life, I hope you'll use this information for good, and not
evil, purposes...
--------------------------------------------------------------
Caring
for Your Introvert -- The habits and needs of a
little-understood group
by Jonathan Rauch
Do you know someone who needs hours alone every day? Who loves quiet
conversations about feelings or ideas, and can give a dynamite presentation to a
big audience, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who has
to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate? Who
growls or scowls or grunts or winces when accosted with pleasantries by people
who are just trying to be nice?
If so, do you tell this person he is "too serious," or ask if he is
okay? Regard him as aloof, arrogant, rude? Redouble your efforts to draw him
out?
If you answered yes to these questions, chances are that you have an introvert
on your hands—and that you aren't caring for him properly. Science has learned
a good deal in recent years about the habits and requirements of introverts. It
has even learned, by means of brain scans, that introverts process information
differently from other people (I am not making this up). If you are behind the
curve on this important matter, be reassured that you are not alone. Introverts
may be common, but they are also among the most misunderstood and aggrieved
groups in America, possibly the world.
I know. My name is Jonathan, and I am an introvert.
Oh, for years I denied it. After all, I have good social skills. I am not morose
or misanthropic. Usually. I am far from shy. I love long conversations that
explore intimate thoughts or passionate interests. But at last I have
self-identified and come out to my friends and colleagues. In doing so, I have
found myself liberated from any number of damaging misconceptions and
stereotypes. Now I am here to tell you what you need to know in order to respond
sensitively and supportively to your own introverted family members, friends,
and colleagues. Remember, someone you know, respect, and interact with every day
is an introvert, and you are probably driving this person nuts. It pays to learn
the warning signs.
What is introversion? In its modern sense, the concept goes back to the
1920s and the psychologist Carl Jung. Today it is a mainstay of personality
tests, including the widely used Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Introverts are not
necessarily shy. Shy people are anxious or frightened or self-excoriating in
social settings; introverts generally are not. Introverts are also not
misanthropic, though some of us do go along with Sartre as far as to say
"Hell is other people at breakfast." Rather, introverts are people who
find other people tiring.
Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem
bored by themselves, in both senses of the expression. Leave an extrovert alone
for two minutes and he will reach for his cell phone. In contrast, after an hour
or two of being socially "on," we introverts need to turn off and
recharge. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of
socializing. This isn't antisocial. It isn't a sign of depression. It does not
call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as
restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: "I'm okay,
you're okay—in small doses."
How many people are introverts? I performed exhaustive research on this
question, in the form of a quick Google search. The answer: About 25 percent.
Or: Just under half. Or—my favorite—"a minority in the regular
population but a majority in the gifted population."
Are introverts misunderstood? Wildly. That, it appears, is our lot in
life. "It is very difficult for an extrovert to understand an
introvert," write the education experts Jill D. Burruss and Lisa Kaenzig.
(They are also the source of the quotation in the previous paragraph.)
Extroverts are easy for introverts to understand, because extroverts spend so
much of their time working out who they are in voluble, and frequently
inescapable, interaction with other people. They are as inscrutable as puppy
dogs. But the street does not run both ways. Extroverts have little or no grasp
of introversion. They assume that company, especially their own, is always
welcome. They cannot imagine why someone would need to be alone; indeed, they
often take umbrage at the suggestion. As often as I have tried to explain the
matter to extroverts, I have never sensed that any of them really understood.
They listen for a moment and then go back to barking and yipping.
Are introverts oppressed? I would have to say so. For one thing,
extroverts are over represented in politics, a profession in which only the
garrulous are really comfortable. Look at George W. Bush. Look at Bill Clinton.
They seem to come fully to life only around other people. To think of the few
introverts who did rise to the top in politics—Calvin Coolidge, Richard
Nixon—is merely to drive home the point. With the possible exception of Ronald
Reagan, whose fabled aloofness and privateness were probably signs of a deep
introverted streak (many actors, I've read, are introverts, and many introverts,
when socializing, feel like actors), introverts are not considered
"naturals" in politics.
Extroverts therefore dominate public life. This is a pity. If we introverts ran
the world, it would no doubt be a calmer, saner, more peaceful sort of place. As
Coolidge is supposed to have said, "Don't you know that four fifths of all
our troubles in this life would disappear if we would just sit down and keep
still?" (He is also supposed to have said, "If you don't say anything,
you won't be called on to repeat it." The only thing a true introvert
dislikes more than talking about himself is repeating himself.)
With their endless appetite for talk and attention, extroverts also dominate
social life, so they tend to set expectations. In our extrovertist society,
being outgoing is considered normal and therefore desirable, a mark of
happiness, confidence, leadership. Extroverts are seen as bighearted, vibrant,
warm, empathic. "People person" is a compliment. Introverts are
described with words like "guarded," "loner,"
"reserved," "taciturn," "self-contained,"
"private"—narrow, ungenerous words, words that suggest emotional
parsimony and smallness of personality. Female introverts, I suspect, must
suffer especially. In certain circles, particularly in the Midwest, a man can
still sometimes get away with being what they used to call a strong and silent
type; introverted women, lacking that alternative, are even more likely than men
to be perceived as timid, withdrawn, haughty.
Are introverts arrogant? Hardly. I suppose this common misconception has
to do with our being more intelligent, more reflective, more independent, more
level-headed, more refined, and more sensitive than extroverts. Also, it is
probably due to our lack of small talk, a lack that extroverts often mistake for
disdain. We tend to think before talking, whereas extroverts tend to think by
talking, which is why their meetings never last less than six hours.
"Introverts," writes a perceptive fellow named Thomas P. Crouser, in
an online review of a recent book called Why Should Extroverts Make All the
Money? (I'm not making that up, either), "are driven to
distraction by the semi-internal dialogue extroverts tend to conduct. Introverts
don't outwardly complain, instead roll their eyes and silently curse the
darkness." Just so.
The worst of it is that extroverts have no idea of the torment they put us
through. Sometimes, as we gasp for air amid the fog of their
98-percent-content-free talk, we wonder if extroverts even bother to listen to
themselves. Still, we endure stoically, because the etiquette books—written,
no doubt, by extroverts—regard declining to banter as rude and gaps in
conversation as awkward. We can only dream that someday, when our condition is
more widely understood, when perhaps an Introverts' Rights movement has
blossomed and borne fruit, it will not be impolite to say "I'm an
introvert. You are a wonderful person and I like you. But now please
shush."
How can I let the introvert in my life know that I support him and respect
his choice? First, recognize that it's not a choice. It's not a lifestyle.
It's an orientation.
Second, when you see an introvert lost in thought, don't say "What's the
matter?" or "Are you all right?"
Third, don't say anything else, either.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Jonathan Rauch is a correspondent for The
Atlantic and a senior writer for National Journal.
Copyright © 2003 by The Atlantic Monthly Group.
All rights reserved.
The Atlantic Monthly; March 2003; Caring for Your Introvert; Volume 291 ,
No. 2; 133-134.
This article was first posted: 7 April 2003
Here are some of the things I think about:
This site is Copyright 2002-2004 by Glenn D Watts
The homepage URL is http://www.hongkongbrother.com
Contact me at glenn@hongkongbrother.com
Here's my disclaimer for the content
on this site
