Student Writings, 2004 -- #1:
"The Third Eye"

There have been some writing competitions for HK students recently, and I felt I needed to share some of our students' efforts with you. 

The premise of THIS competition was a story about a girl, named Macy, who is playing hide-and-seek with her brother. She finds a perfect hiding place under a desk, where her brother can't find her, but then she starts feeling very sleepy (remember the "sleepy" part)... 

The next thing you know, she is startled "awake" by her brother standing in front of her -- but he has a third eye on his small finger. In perhaps the creepiest moment ever in a sixth-grade writing competition, Macy's brother, watching her under the desk with his extra eye, whispers, "Found you -- I saw you with my third eye"... (I don't know -- I can never imagine that without hearing him hiss it out like a demon)... 

Anyway, in the story Macy gets up from her hiding place, only to find that everyone has a third eye, and they're all incredulous that SHE doesn't have one. 

So our students were supposed to think about this situation, and write an ending to the story. I should note that they were supposed to write their ending with a minimum of "x" number of sentences -- I say "x" because I can't remember the number -- but anyway, it caused some of them to really stretch the definition of "sentence"... You'll also see some pretty great repetition inspired by this minimum-sentence requirement. 

Here are their contributions EXACTLY as written, spelling and all:

1. Betty

     Macy was play hide-and-seek. She saw her litter brother has the third eye, but she no the third eye. Then she saw they are having the third eye. She felt lonely. Because she no the third eye. So she felt lonely. 
     The end she is weeping. But her mother know her thing. So her mother give her third eye. 

2. Harry

     Next day, Macy get a third eye. She feel very happy, because she can find more things. She go home very happy. She can find the toys, papers and box. 
     "The third eye is very very funny," said Macy. "Oh! Ha ha..." said Daddy and Mummy. 
     She run out to the street. 
     "The third eye is very funny," said Macy. "Oh! Ha ha ha..." said the girl. 

"This is the best I can do," said Harry. "Oh! Ha ha..." said Glenn... 

3. San Faat

     Macy has third eyes in the end. 
     All earth people has third in the end. 
     The third eyes at the foot in the end. 

This one was accompanied by a drawing of Macy wearing sandals with a third eye on her toe, and a speech bubble where she says, "I have 3 eyes!"

4. Andy

     Macy very sad. Because only she does not have the third eye. So she goes to the shop to buy a third eye. She see many third eye in the eye shop. At last she buy a very small eye. Because she don't like else people know she has a third eye. She can at one time do the difference thing. 
     BANG! She listen her mother call her. "Macy! Go to school!" Macy watch her mother. 
     That is a dream. She think the dream is interesting. 

Andy was the FIRST student in two entire classes who noticed that Macy was obviously DREAMING, duh... It was also interesting to note how many students talked about Macy going to the eye shop to BUY a third eye. I mean, hey, why not? If she's got the cash...

5. Tiffany

     Mancy felt odd so she spoke to a passerby. Mancy said, "Hello, why do you wanted to the three eyed?" Passerby said, "Oh, I wanted to the three eyed because my parents also had the three eyed so I had the three eyed." Mancy not to understood. She went to home and turned on the computer. She entered virtual world. She saw many people. She ran to the toy shop. She discovered the shop boss, the small finger had a eye. She to looked rounded the shop. Actually discovered many eyed. Mancy bought one eye stuck on her small finger. 
     Finally, she understood the people why had the three eyed. She feel very interesting. She decided never to took off. 
     But this is once dreamed. 

6. Chui Yan

     Macy is sleeping. She is drem. She is in dremland. Proprietor have third eye. She did not have. Macy is very unhappy. Because she did not have a third eye. She forced went home. 
     In the morning, her mother shout she come to school. Macy ask, does her mother has a third eye? Her mother laugh, say, "We forever do not a third eye." Macy originally is drem. 

Yeah, Macy -- silly kid -- we FOREVER do not a third eye! What's wrong with you, girl?!?... 

7. Peter #2 

     Macy think and think, "Why have they all got a third eye, but why she is not have?" Then she looked in the every place. The last place is the school, she went to the fourth floor in art room, she finded the third eye! And then, she put on her finger. 
     After she came back to home, she sad to her mother. She feel so happy. Now she can see the top of your own head. She can see things behind you without turning your head. Then, she hear her sad, "Ha! Ha! Herry up!"
     She was a dream, and she go to school!

Be careful -- Macy can see things behind you without turning your head. (NOTE: We have two Peter's in this class, so this was from "#2" -- which, we actually call him that: "Peter #2")...

8. Wai Fun

This is from our "top" student, and you can tell -- she somehow actually turned it into a story about Macy overcoming her "disability" of only having two eyes. I'm serious, I am proud of this one, despite the horrible Engrish... well, and the fact that by the end Macy becomes Mary... and also the fact that it was obvious Macy was supposed to be DREAMING... But other than that, this one's pretty good... 

     "Why I can't have the third eye?" Macy thought. Macy was unhappy. At one o'clock, she went inside a shopping center. She saw a thief went to a jewellery shop. Macy very frightened. She sat under the desk. The thief stole some jewellery and gold. Macy stood down, saw the thief's face carefully.
     Then the thief was go away the jewellery shop. Macy saw a telephone on the desk. She reported a theft immediately. The policemen came in the shop. "Did you see the thief?" the policeman asked Macy quietly. "Yes, I did," said Macy. "He has a long hair, with a coat and a bag. He had small eyes and a long face," said Macy. 
     "OK! Catch the thief!" said the policeman. 
     At half past one, the policemen caught the thief in the toilet. The policemen went to Mary's house, found Mary, "Small girl, thank you of your help, we caught the thief at half past one," said the policemen. 
     "Although I don't have the third eye, I can help some people," Mary thought. She was very happy!

This article was first posted: 28 March 2004

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